Why meditation isn’t a waste of time
Spare me the eyeball roll. That’s what I used to do at the mention of meditation.
The idea that anything “woo-woo” could impact my wellbeing in a meaningful way just didn’t add up to me. I would give it a try, and that went something like this:
Start a meditation feeling super motivated
Find my mind racing within the first 30 seconds
Feel antsy within the first two minutes
Struggle through to the end or leave the session early, relieved that it’s over
Tell myself that meditation “just isn’t for me”
Until I understood what the actual point is.
What meditation is
Through some perseverance with the Headspace app and an educational seminar on brain health, I deepened my understanding. I learned that meditation is a way to have MORE awareness of what’s going on in your mind while simultaneously not getting SWEPT AWAY by it. You might have heard the term “passive observer”. That’s what you’re striving to become for yourself as the thoughts, discomfort, etc. arise.
This is sounding a lot like the concept of “acceptance”, is it not? What I gleaned from my beginner-level lessons in the Headspace app is that this is a vital component.
Noticing without judgment
The process I’m about to lay out is based on the format commonly used on Headspace. Other meditations may be different, but the principles here can still apply.
First, you tune into physical sensations to become more present in the space and set the tone for noticing without distraction. Because that’s how we spend a lot of our lives, at least I do - distracted. I’ll be audacious and estimate that most of us prefer to keep it that way - more on that later.
Next, you do a check-in with yourself by being curious about how you’re feeling throughout your whole body and what your current emotional state it.
I’m amazed at how much physical sensation or discomfort is there when I deliberately focus on what’s going on in my body. Is this pleasant information? Not necessarily. But doesn’t your body deserve attention? Counterpoint: why would you even want to notice discomfort if it’s there? More on that later, too.
Remember when I said you’ll be tuning into your emotional state during this scan? Don’t forget this part! I, personally, find this to be VERY useful information. Might be unpleasant information, too, but we’ll get to why this would be helpful.
Next is the bulk of the meditation. You’re instructed to notice your breath. Not to CHANGE the breath, but to NOTICE what your breathing is like. Notice the breath as it exits and enters the body. Notice the belly rising and falling with the breath. Even notice the other areas of the body where you can feel breath moving.
The work throughout: KINDLY INVITING your attention back to noticing the breath when you realize that your mind is straying to thoughts and feelings. It’s perfectly ok to have them. Your task is to simply note that they’re there and then invite yourself back to the breath.
The breath (or whatever the target of your attention is) serves as an anchor for you to keep returning to no matter where the mind tries to lead you.
The impact on your brain. The most important thing I gleaned from my seminar is that meditation puts your brain into a “beta” state, which are the highest frequency of brain waves. Beta waves are associated with relaxation, attention, and problem-solving. It was suggested that mindfulness be practiced for 20 minutes per day for brain health.
Meditation was NOT specified at the seminar. Mindfulness was specified, although meditation is a mode of mindfulness. Mindfulness can be practiced by increasing awareness during any activity, even washing dishes. I, personally, am loving the benefits of doing full-on meditations for 20 minutes.
What’s the emotional benefit?
To be clear, this is from MY point of view based on my personal experience with this. I believe that the benefits of meditation are three-fold:
Awareness of emotions that need your attention
Acceptance of discomfort associated with emotions
Regulation of emotions by returning to the anchor
Let’s look at these more in-depth.
Awareness of emotions that need your attention
Remember when I audaciously estimated that most of us prefer not to notice what’s there? Besides boredom, I wholeheartedly believe that this is largely the reason why people aren’t into meditation. Our brains are so brilliant at helping us to avoid discomfort (send in the tv, podcasts, scrolling, drinking…).
But if you’re like me, the things left unattended come to bite you in the ass later in the form of a racing mind. Just as I’m, shockingly, putting down my phone to go to sleep. Imagine that. Things get quiet, the room gets dark, and, BAM, there the thoughts and feelings are.
When I set aside time to allow the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings in a meditation, that racing mind is GREATLY reduced and I fall asleep faster. This is why I like to say that…
Meditation is exposure therapy for thoughts and feelings
If I notice sadness or fear during the session, I let myself REALLY feel it, so it actually gets processed. It’s honestly a relief.
Acceptance of discomfort associated with emotions
Think of this part as “reparenting”. You can be like your own parental figure, noticing your feelings and thoughts without judgment and without being too affected to stay present with yourself. This is the healing experience you can give yourself by practicing acceptance of what’s there. You could even envision giving yourself a hug as it gets uncomfortable.
Self-compassion goes a long way here. Compassion for the discomfort you’re working through. Compassion for how frustrating it can be to keep getting pulled by these feelings.
Regulation of emotions by returning to the anchor
Here’s where the magic happens. Even if you’re only able to return to the breath (or whatever anchor) a few times throughout the session, you ARE building a muscle.
You are increasing your tolerance for discomfort.
Plain and simple, this is emotion regulation. Having uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without getting STUCK there. Being stuck in reactive state of arousal is a core issue for many people with trauma. You feel out of control. You’re not in the “here and now”. You’re in a trauma narrative, and there’s no room for new information.
The impact on relationships
Speaking from personal experience, I’m amazed at the new possibilities available to me despite feeling triggered during an interaction. There is an increased flexibility of mind that affords me other solutions rather than repeating the old patterns on auto pilot.
NOT that those old patterns don’t rear their ugly heads! I said INCREASED flexibility, not complete overhaul all at once. Be easy on yourself!
Emotional awareness, acceptance, and regulation are vital for disrupting problematic relational patterns. Making even ONE change, ONE time can make an impact on any relationship, rejuvenating a sense of security and hope for everyone involved.
Still not looking forward to meditating? I’m not often looking forward to it either. But I find that it truly makes an impact. I hope you’ll give yourself the chance to reap the benefits!
